Just 2 resolutions this year...

I'm just making two resolutions this year...but, they are big ones, and they cover a lot. Ironically, I probably have NO chance of actually fulfilling them, but I'm hoping that, by "striving" for these two things, I'll live more of this year in "thrive" mode versus "survive" mode.

Here they are:

1. (Strive to) Honor God in everything I do, say and think.
2. (Strive to) See myself and others as glorious -- made in the image of God.

I've been reading Isaiah and a general theme is the righteousness of God and how He/Love is the ultimate winner -- all the time. Submitting to that feels a whole lot easier than beating myself up over mistakes and shortcomings.

I'm going to meditate on the promise in Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal."

And, pray Isaiah 26 8-9 "Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, I wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of my heart. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you."

And, finally, I'm going to celebrate Isaiah 26: 19 "But your dead will live; their bodies will rise. You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy. Your dew is like the dew of morning; the earth will give birth to her dead."

The celebration starts tonight...at VWS...when a whole bunch of people declare that they are following Jesus at our New Year's Rockin' Eve Worship and Baptism celebration! I can't wait to start 2009! Happy New Year!

SQUISH....

I'm feeling a bit like an ant today...

Let me explain...

I'm feeling small, insignificant and not very unique. I feel like there is a big, giant foot hovering above me, about to squish me.

Big foot probably won't feel a twinge of guilt, because I'm probably not contributing anything worthwhile anyway.

Forgive me while I ramble a bit here...I've had a difficult day, in many ways...

See, I've been here before. Trying to catalyze change and not making myself very popular in the process. Every other time, I've hit this point. Where my confidence wanes in the face of criticism and doubt and skepticism. But, I think what's getting to me more this time than in the past is the sense that people around me -- people I deeply respect, don't see me and my heart...they see process and strategy and self-reliance and force fitting of an approach that must feel like it's come from a cookie cutter or business book.

I need to work on communicating less with my mouth and more with my actions. I need to focus everyday on whether my heart is right with God. If it is, then I need to not be dissuaded...right? Why is this such a struggle for me?

God, convict me when and where I need to be convicted, and affirm me when I'm doing the work you've asked me to help with. Keep my eyes fixed on you. If I'm to "throw in the towel" on this one, will me to do so...if not, strengthen me to persevere.

Oh Christmas Tree(s)

I LOVE Christmas Trees. I think some people think I'm certifiably crazy, but I just love the cozy feeling you get when a room is lit with twinkle lights on a tree. Over the years, I've added trees...this year we have 10 in our home...I'll share some of them with you...

This one is in the kitchen. It is decorated with cookie cutters, candy apple, gingerbread and candy ornaments. It is a 6 foot tree, and has orange and white lights.

These two are on a plant shelf in the family room. Our trusty knight is keeping watch over them. These are the two new trees for 2008. They are 5.5 feet trees with white lights.

This is our "main" tree -- the one that the whole family decorates together in the family room. Lots of handmade and personalized ornaments on this one. This one is 10 feet tall and has multi-colored lights, which we add to with some fun bubble lights and other crystal lights.

This lovely red and gold tree graces our dining room. I love the topper on this one...it's blown glass. This is a 7.5 foot tree with red and white lights.

This may be my favorite tree. It's in our entry and I really enjoy decorating this one with deep jewel tones. This is a narrow 10 foot tall tree with white lights.

And, finally, the one that people really think is crazy...we have a small 4.5 foot tree in the powder room. I don't really care if you think I'm insane...it looks nice and ensures that no matter where you go on the main level of our house, you'll see a Christmas tree!

The kids each have trees in their rooms...Next year, I hope to add a tree in the basement, which will be completely finished by then.

So, there you have it. Enjoy...and Merry Christmas!

Here I am...

When I was a kid, we used to sing a particular hymn at my church...you may have heard it if you come from a fairly traditional background. The chorus went something like...

"Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord,
if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart."

Every time we sang that song, I'd start shaking and crying -- much against my will. I can remember it, vividly...from probably about age 9 or 10.

At the time, I remember feeling a strange mix of embarrassment and excitement, but over time, I began to "train myself" to NOT sing during that hymn...to focus on something, ANYthing else so that I wouldn't start crying and look like a dork in front of the other kids, who didn't seem to be at all influenced by the music, and were obviously MUCH cooler than I was.

Many years later, I realized with awe that God had been moving in my life, even at such a young age...calling me out to follow and to lead. To not follow the crowd and do what the cool kids were doing...somehow trying to convince my stubborn heart that the life I saw others living was not nearly as amazing as the life He had in mind for me...

I re-read the passage in Isaiah 6:8 tonight and am hearing Him again...calling me out to live an extraordinary life...as long as I don't allow myself to focus on anything other than what He has for me...

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying -- "Whom shall I send?" And who will go for us? And I said, "Here am I. Send me."

Humbled again...

So, last week I did something really stupid. I'm not going to go into details, but suffice it to say that it was dumb, and I knew it was, and I did it anyway. And, almost instantly I regretted it. It was not glorifying to God, or to my family or to my co-workers...just overall reproachful! Anyway, as I was beating myself up over it this weekend, realizing that I needed to confess to a few folks that witnessed my behavior, I was feeling pretty crappy about myself...and in the midst of all that, I had the most amazing dream Saturday night...

In my dream, I was pregnant...a little hand and foot were pressing against the skin of my belly -- like the baby was full term and ready to be born and trying to push his way out. It was so real...I could almost feel the pressure from those little limbs. I woke up wondering what it meant, and headed to church...

Tim gave a message on how God wants to use us to bring life to the world. He talked about how we're all "impregnated" by God -- not to be weird or gross, but really that he's placed life in us and wants us to birth it and nurture it in the world. (Pretty good message...check out VWS and download the podcast if you'd like).

I realized that, even through my crap and stupidity, God still wants to use me. He forgives me before I forgive myself. He was trying to tell me through my dream and then through that message on Sunday morning that He's given me a life and purpose to bring into the world!

I was reflecting this week on Romans 7 -- probably trying to punish myself a bit more...in vs. 15-24, Paul talks about the craziness of humanity where we find ourselves doing stupid things that we know are wrong, that we don't want to do, but we do them anyway. And, avoiding things we should be doing that are good...and how wretched we are. Interestingly, I remembered much of the language of this passage, but I didn't realize the ending...and the beginning of Chapter 8..."Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

So, I'm working on forgiving myself by trying to birth and nurture life, and live out the purposes He's called me to for the moment...and realizing that I can learn through my mistakes and imperfections and hopefully leverage them to make me a better, more humble leader and follower...

Working mom...

Just wanted to register a thought that sometimes its REALLY hard to be a working mom. I'm in New York City this week. I left home on Sunday night to head up here for some work -- and I won't be back home until very late Friday night. This is extra stinky since I was in Chicago last week Thursday-Saturday and had less than 24 hours at home before leaving on this NYC trip.

I miss Nick and the kids so much. Someone asked me today if it's worth it -- me being here, on this trip and the business we can build here, in exchange for the time away from my family. Absolutely not, I said.

Here's the thing...I wear a lot of hats: servant to Jesus, wife to Nick, mother to Dominick, Lanie & Anthony, coach, employee, sister, daughter, member, friend, confidante, counselor, etc. There are only three hats, though, that ONLY I can wear...the one that is fulfilling the calling God has placed on my life; being a wife to my husband and being a mother to my kids.

Its not that I can't be a wife and mom while working...it's more that I need to keep in balance how much of my energy and "best effort" is going into each role. Sometimes I get it out of whack. Sometimes it's in balance, but not everyone is happy with my choices. And, quite often, I'm stuck in the middle.

So, this week, I'm praying that God helps me to be a good wife and mother, even from far away; that when I get home, He helps me make good decisions about how to spend my time and my energy; and to forgive myself for not doing it right all the time...

From bones to an army...

So, Thanksgiving is over...it always goes so quick. I spend all day cooking and in less than 45 minutes, my 24lb turkey is nothing but a carcass. We pulled the wishbone off and set it out to dry for the kids. Now, you're wondering, what does this have to do with ANYthing? Well...I happen to be finished with Ezekeil (finally!) and I've been wanting to capture some thoughts about dry bones (hahahaha)...Chapter 37.

Honestly, I've heard this story so many times, but as always, when I read it this time around, I saw and heard something completely new...and so relevant to right now, and so amazing that I've been trying to unpack it ever since.

First, go read chapter 37: 1-14. Okay...now...

Here's the clif notes version for those of you that cheated and didn't follow the link to reach it...God leads Zeke to this valley full of dry bones (yuck!). It stunk and was really depressing to look at. But, God said -- dude, it's not what you think! They're not dead! I'll bring them back to life, and put my spirit in them, and settle them in this land.

Wow...there is SO much going on here...Just when they were completely dried out and dead, God brings them back to life...

...Just when I think I've got nothing left to give, he breathes life back into me.
...Just when we think those around us are void of passion or emotion or energy, God can AND WANTS TO bring them back to life.

I love this part (vs 9-10): "...Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army."

How cool is that? An ARMY...up out of a bunch of dried up bones.

I want to be in THAT army! Raised from uselessness and into life!

So, that's my prayer this week..."come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into me so that I may live and be part of your army!"

I dare you to pray it with me...are you in?

He won't relent...

I was on the west coast this week on a business trip. Since our flight didn't leave til late, Lane and I headed to the beach in San Diego to look around. As I walked along the coast, the waves lapped up on my toes and I did what you always see people do -- I ran to escape the cold water. At some point, I got used to the temperature, and started to welcome the feel of the waves on my feet.

I'm always struck by the breadth and persistence of the sea. It reminds me of how big the earth really is; and how mighty and powerful our God, who created it all, really is.

At VWS this weekend, we sang a song during worship with lyrics that remind us that God won't relent until he has all of us...and, as I was singing with my eyes closed, connecting to God and his spirit, I was back on the beach again....

The waves, I realized, are like him reaching for us...sometimes hard and fast and overpowering; sometimes gentle and easy. But never, ever relenting. Even when he has "some" of me, he still keeps reaching for me, washing over me, asking for me, refreshing me.

And, I realized just how much of my life I haven't yet turned over to him. And yet, even through all that stubbornness and imperfection, the waves never stop reaching for me...I need to not run away, let them wash over me.

Thanks, God, for such a humbling and awesome reminder of how persistent your love is...

20-some years ago...

Okay...so, at the risk of totally dating myself, I have been thinking quite a bit lately about something that happened to me in my Junior year of high school...20-some years ago...

I went to Milford High School (proud member of the class of '89 -- Go Eagles!).

Now, it's important to understand that, as a teenager, I was bit of a nerd -- somewhat intelligent, but under-confident, and not at all sure where I really "fit".

One day, in my Junior year, I walked through the door into an English class with Mr. Roy Ferguson. Mr. Ferguson was a wonderful, older teacher from the northeast who loved Ernest Hemingway and Herman Melville. He was confined to a wheelchair by MS, and he had a passion for teaching and counseling students that was inspiring. I enjoyed Mr. Ferguson's class, and did fairly well, but didn't think there was anything remarkable about that...nothing remarkable about my writing or my participation in the class discussions or my answers to Mr. Ferguson's questions...

But, Mr. Ferguson did notice something "remarkable" about me. One day after class, he asked me to stay behind.

"Ann," he said, "you are a leader. Do you have any experience with the school newspaper or yearbook?"

(He knew I didn't, since he was the advisor for both groups).

I shyly said "No. But, I think I might be interested in writing."

Mr. Ferguson smiled and said: "Actually, I would like you to be the Editor-in-Chief of the yearbook for your Senior year. You'll need to pull a team together and lead all of the design and production of the book. I know you can do it. I know you'll be great. You ARE a leader, Ann."

I was stunned. Affirmed. Excited. Scared. Nervous. No-one had EVER called me a leader. No-one had EVER asked me to do something so important. No-one had EVER trusted me to create a team, set a vision, complete something so big. It was a key moment in my development and understanding of how I'm wired. Throughout the next year, he gently encouraged, empowered and enabled me to lead my team and produce the yearbook. It was a tremendous amount of work, I made a LOT of mistakes and I learned several lessons on leadership that I still carry with me today.

Many years later, I wrote Mr. Ferguson a letter thanking him for calling out something in me that I didn't see. Something that sparked development and self-awareness in me. Something that has impacted my life immeasurably. A year later, Mr. Ferguson died. But, his impact remains through me and so many countless other students he developed.

Who was it for you? Take a minute and thank someone that has spoken truth into your life about the amazing way you are wired and gifted. Then, pay it forward and call something out that you see in someone else...you never know what kind of impact you could have!

Some more about the flocks...

Still making my way through Ezekiel. (as a side note, my thirst for scripture is crazy insatiable...this is new for me...and pretty darn awesome).

Anyway...last post I shared this conviction about leading the flocks well...In Chapter 36, God reminds Israel of her reward and his promise to her (and things start to get a little "nicer" relative to all the warnings!). There a LOT in there, but I'll pull out one of the two specific sections that really spoke to me...starts in v 25.

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you (note -- I LOVE that part!) and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." He goes on to talk about how she will be fruitful and how he'll provide for her...he talks about resettling the towns and rebuilding ruins; cultivating what was dead and barren...and he closes with this "...So will the ruined cities be filled with flocks of people. Then they will know that I am the Lord."

We are in the middle of this kind of awakening/re-birth here on the Westside of Cincinnati.

So, God, if you've really designed me to be a leader, and there's a flock to lead and this fruitful, feeling, re-built place is where we're heading...Count Me In! I'm all yours...

Shepherds and sheep

Zeke is still kicking my butt...chapter 34 got me this morning.

Here's a snippet of Chapter 34: "Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? ...You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. ...So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals."

I was driving to my favorite "hiding place" where I sometimes go to get work done on mornings when I don't have too many meetings, and this small (sometimes annoyingly persistent) voice kept saying "Africa". It's been whispering the name of that distant continent for a few years now. It also consistently whispers "Price Hill"... And, it consistently whispers "religion". Why these three? One is a distant continent, one is a close, but unfamiliar neighborhood, and one is an all-too familiar place I "lived" for many years. Pathetically, I keep (mostly) ignoring these specific words from the "voice"...mostly out of a long list of fears that I won't get into today, and, perhaps a busy-ness of tending to other whispers from that same voice (or maybe I'm a little clinically insane) that seem to be giving me other really important things to do.

However, a few of those fears are starting to evaporate...quickly...then, Zeke comes along and convicts me again, just as it has been since I started reading a week or two ago.

So anyway...I'm a pretty logical gal...If I am called to be a shepherd (isn't that just another word for leader?); and God is whispering to me about a field of sheep; then...(yes, I know the answer, friends...) And, the promise later in the book seems to provide some insight into the bigger picture...God appoints David to replace the lazy shepherds so that "(the people) will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those that enslave them." That sounds like some pretty awesome freedom to me! ;-)

Once again...CRAP! God, tell me which flock to go tend and when...isn't the flock I'm trying to shepherd here and now important...I'm sure there's a connection here...order my steps...here I am...send me...

What is God whispering to you? Is there a flock of sheep somewhere that you are supposed to shepherd? Let's pray for each other!

Be careful what you pray for...

A few years ago, I began praying a pretty dangerous prayer. I knew it was dangerous, but I had finally reached a point, spurred on by my life group, where I knew I needed to pray it. The prayer went something like this... "God, break me of my pride. Knock me off my high horse and put me in my place. Don't let me ever think that I am responsible for anything that YOU accomplish through me. Humble me."

Have you ever prayed that one? Just a little hint, that's the kind of prayer He really likes to answer!

So, I'm still digging through Ezekiel. And I've realized something...much of what Ezekiel is sent to tell Israel is that they are too dang prideful. He's giving them all sorts of warnings and prophecies about the dangers of their self-righteousness and pride. He pretty much says He's going to destroy them if they don't knock it off and give credit where credit is due.

And, I'm realizing how very "knocked off my high horse" I really am these days. Thanks for answering that prayer, Dad.

It feels a little rotten, but in some ways, it feels so good. I think there's a balance I need to get to, though...I've almost let the pendulum swing too far.

Accepting thanks, praise, affirming words is difficult for me for some reason, even though it's totally my #1 love language! I feel a little self-centered to need that kind of affirmation...maybe I'm worried that if I accept it, it will quickly lead to pride once again.

I think, though, that God would be glorified if I was confident in my gifts and calling (subtly different than pride, certainly), in gratitude for the giver of all good gifts...so, I'll take these messages from Zeke and this weird "am I a leader" questioning and count them as gifts on my journey to becoming the leader that He's really calling me to be...

Really a leader?

My latest crisis of conscious is around whether I'm really a leader?

It's been crystal clear to me over the past week or so, that most of what I do is not "center-stage" leadership...I tend to do my best work in service of another leader...someone who has great vision, but needs help making it happen. Someone who can point to where the ship should go, but needs someone to actually steer it.

Or, maybe those are just the opportunities that have been placed before me, and God is training me up to be some other kind of leader...sometimes I feel like I have vision. When I do, it's pretty audacious stuff...why is it that the visions I get are never the ones I put strategy behind? Is it because I'm better suited, talented, gifted to support, or am I afraid?

Crap. This has kept me from good sleep for 3 nights straight now...

If someone else brought these thoughts to me, I'd tell them to get over themselves, eat a piece of humble pie, and do the work God is putting in front of them. Who cares what it's called or what credit you get or whether ANYONE other than you knows what you're doing -- God knows at the end of any given day whether I've glorified Him, right? If I'm being a servant leader, and equipping those around me (the leaders I serve under as well as folks that look "up" to me for guidance), then I'm doing what I'm called to do, and that IS leadership, right?

My brain is on overload tonight. God, give me wisdom and discernment to tell which of these messages in my head are from you and which are NOT from you, but rather messages that are trying to knock me off track. Is this You, sending me a message on humility, or is this the enemy sending me a message about a lack of value or need for power/authority? Maybe both are going on at the same time...the tension is thick and the balance is hard to find.

Servant Leadership?

I've long been a fan of the term "servant leadership" and I think I defined it in my head as rolling my sleeves up and working alongside those I lead; never asking them to do anything that I wouldn't be willing to work on with them; always putting their needs ahead of mine and making time to encourage or train or affirm or coach.

I recently read an article that I thought did a much better job of defining servant leadership, and really articulated so well the one of the keys to effective leadership. The article explained the hallmark of servant leadership as really being about equipping and enabling people. Its so simple -- as most really good definitions are! If I want to be a good leader, I can't stop at setting a vision and getting people excited about it, I have to really make sure that they are set up for success. Teaching, coaching, training -- all key elements. Equipping means that I provide the tools and resources needed -- either I provide training or support myself, or I make sure to get the right support lined up; Enabling is really about making sure that people know what they need to know to deliver on a task...very different from doing it "for them" (enabling can have a very negative connotation in some applications)...it's really about filling in gaps (there's that darn gap thing again) so that people see the big picture and how their work fits in; showing them examples to help get them started and providing practical guidance on how to move forward.

I know lots of leaders that are really good at casting vision and getting people excited, but a good portion of them fall short on enabling and equipping. I probably tend to err on the side of enabling and equipping without paying enough attention to the vision casting piece...

Now, I can choose to work on the areas I'm weak in, or partner up with leaders who need me as much as I need them...I tend to prefer the latter approach. Seems more efficient, and I just can't resist filling in the gap between a great vision and implementation! ;-)

Anyway, there's a new definition of servant leadership to chew on...let me know what you think!?

Am I a leader worth following?

So, this week at VWS, Tim taught on the characteristics of good leaders. Not the skill sets of leaders or the competencies of leaders or the strength or talent of leaders, but the integrity and character of leaders. Tough stuff. Very convicting.

I'd like to pick apart each of the 14 characteristics and explore where I am with each of them over the next few weeks. I think it will be challenging and scary, but a great pathway for growth and self-awareness.

The first one (from 1 Timothy 3) is that a leader is above reproach. The message version says "well thought of"...the amplified version says "must give no grounds for accusation"...KJV says "blameless". It's easy to gloss over that, but it's a high standard, isn't it? That means that leaders don't do things like gossip, drink too much, laugh at or tell a dirty joke, talk badly about someone behind their backs, hold prejudices, the list goes on. All very human things that I do from time to time -- probably more often than I even realize because so many of those things are almost expected and certainly very accepted. But, a leader is called to rise above all that -- because all of those things are reproachable! When someone does them, we think less of that person as a leader, don't we?

My vulnerability here is so clear. I'm weak and sometimes I just want to join in and feel like I'm part of the "crowd" or the cool people having all the "fun". For the next few days, I'm going to meditate on this idea of being blameless, above reproach, well-thought-of. I'm going to think about the leaders that I've followed and those that I've deliberately not followed -- I can already think of examples of where leaders did things that may have seemed small or insignificant to them at the time, but scarred their credibility in my eyes -- an unjust reaction to a co-worker, a dis-tasteful joke, an assumption based on a stereotype (isn't that pretty close to a prejudice?), etc. How many times today did I violate this character trait around those I lead, around those I lead with, or even in my own thoughts?

Here's my thinking on this...(I know, desperately logical and a bit predictable...but, that's me!):
1. Become more aware of what I'm doing that is reproachable.
2. Deliberately work on some new patterns and behaviors to replace old ones.
3. Confess to someone and ask them to hold me accountable.
4. Allow new habits and behaviors and God's grace grow me as a leader in these areas...

Want to try these steps with me? Let me know how you do...I'll check back soon!

Standing in the gap...

For the past few weeks, I've been so fired up, and convicted and messed up and excited because I sense that God is really trying to lead me somewhere, tell me something or show me something. The Catalyst Conference in Atlanta was amazing and powerful, and since I've been back, I have felt like I'm in training for some big "thing"...although I'm still not at all sure what it is...

Anyway, a few days ago, I felt called to read Ezekiel. Honestly, I've never really read Ezekiel. But, that night, I started...it worked out well, since I had taken inventory of my "busy times" and decided that time spent watching TV was better spent with God, so I jumped right into Ezekiel, thinking God would reveal something amazing and inspiring from this prophet of old...

Have you ever read Ezekiel? It's scary and dark and complex and haunting! It's basically a warning about how disappointed and angry God is with His people, Israel, who have gone off and started worshiping idols and living lives are self-consumed and deviant. He calls Zeke to warn the people that God plans to destroy them if they don't get their act together. He tells Zeke to say it loud and proud, even though the people won't listen.

Several things hit me pretty hard throughout the first half of the book...primarily around a spirit of religion that I feel all around me in my community -- that keeps people from knowing real relationship, real community and real acceptance and keeps people living apart from God, even though they think they are living the "right way" because they follow the rules. I thought a lot about taking risks for God to speak loudly, persistently, boldly, even if people aren't listening...

But here's what really got me...Zeke 22:30: I looked for someone to stand up for me against all this, to repair the defenses of the city, to take a stand for me and stand in the gap to protect this land so I wouldn’t have to destroy it. I couldn’t find anyone. Not one.

Wow...ouch...is that me? Are you asking me to stand in a gap?

Yes, He said...Stand in the gap...

So, here are two of the gaps I think He's calling me to stand in...

• Between real and false community...getting beyond surface level community.
• Between vision and implementation -- this is my gift, I think...strategy...there are places I need to be using this gift and closing the gap that keeps His work from getting done

I think there are some others...but I'm not sure how to articulate them yet...something about the gap between how certain people in my life see themselves and how God sees them; something about the gap between who I am and who I'm meant to be...I'm still searching for some answers...

How about you? Are you supposed to be standing in a gap? Which gap? What's keeping you from standing in it? Maybe giving it voice is the first step to standing...