Monday, June 29, 2009

Spaghetti Logic

I've been thinking a lot about spaghetti lately.

Probably one of my favorite meals as a kid; and now, as a mom, I know why my mother made it once a week -- it's sooooo easy to make!

But, that's not what I've been thinking about.

A few years ago, there was a guy that worked in my group at P&G. He is a mathematical GENIUS. Seriously. Crazy smart. His job was to create and then maintain a highly complex statistical model for predicting how much "stuff" people would buy. He worked with another guy in my group who was even smarter. Smarter guy once tried to explain to me how smart guy created mathematical models. He called it spaghetti logic. Each equation had a beginning and an end, but they wound around all over the place getting from A to Z. They intersected each other in important, although seemingly inconsequential and unplanned ways. And, in order for the spaghetti logic to work, because the model was complex, there had to be multiple strands of spaghetti mixed in together...



Really, I've been thinking a lot about spaghetti logic lately.

Hang with me, if I haven't lost you yet...

I think life is like spaghetti logic...

When I was in high school, I met this girl named Julie. I was new at school, and Julie was so nice to me. She hung out with me between classes, and we became friends. One week, she invited me to go with her to a church youth group volleyball game. This was very strange to me. Playing volleyball with kids from church? This sort of thing just did not happen at my traditional Catholic church. I was a little worried they'd all be a bunch of "Jesus freaks." But, Julie was fun, and pretty normal from what I could tell, so I went. My mom took me to Julie's house, where her dad was going to take us to the volleyball game. I didn't quite know what to think of her dad. Bruce was so..."there." He actually seemed interested in talking to me, getting to know me. He smiled and paid attention when I talked and actually seemed to like what I said. (At this point in my life, having a conversation that did not dissolve into tears or screaming with a father figure was pretty foreign to me.)

Anyway, we went to the volleyball game, and I remember not really being sure what to expect at all, but, having a great time playing. Julie was a great hostess and never left me feeling alone or awkward about being a "stranger" among the youth group. Toward the end of the evening, I remember a guy getting up on a stage -- maybe he was a pastor or the youth leader, I'm not sure -- but I remember him talking to us about Jesus. Did we want to have a relationship with Jesus, he asked...

Hmmmm...this was puzzling to me. "Sure," I thought, "who wouldn't want that." I knew Jesus -- sang to him on Sundays and often had to fight back tears when I was singing...never could understand why that was happening (that's another section of the long piece of spaghetti that is my life...more on that later, maybe). "If you want to have a relationship with Jesus, pray with me..." He said. And then he went on to lead us to pray for Jesus to be front and center in our lives. I prayed with him that night. I think it was the first time that I ever really prayed that way. Fireworks didn't go off, and I didn't tell anyone that I had prayed that prayer that night.

Months went by, and Julie and I drifted apart. I had more "important" things to do like chase boys and work and over-achieve and life got crazy. I still talked to Jesus every day, but spent many, many years fairly lost and confused.

Years later, I met a wonderful woman named Jill. She worked with me at P&G. She was a few years older; I was expecting my first baby, and she had 3 kids already. She seemed to have her priorities right and seemed to know what she wanted to teach her kids about Jesus and God -- something I had been thinking a lot about since I became pregnant. Eventually, Jill led me to Vineyard Community Church, where I found Jesus again and began a life that has become increasingly more abundant with each passing year.

The same year I met Jill, I had met a guy named Tim at P&G, almost in passing, since he left P&G shortly after we met. A year later, Tim and I worked together on a project. A year later, Tim and I were friends, and were getting together with our spouses and a few others in a small group. A year later, Tim asked me into leadership in some of the work he was doing at VCC. Several years later, Nick and I picked up our life and moved to the Westside of Cincinnati for this crazy little church plant called Vineyard Westside where Tim is the Senior Pastor. A year later, I quit P&G to take a job at Seek, because I was convinced that God had something in store for me. A year later, I joined the leadership team of VWS. A year later, we're selling our house to steward our money differently and give more of our lives to what God is doing in this world.

Spaghetti logic...twists and turns and intersections that I couldn't possibly understand, anticipate, appreciate or expect. And, I'm realizing, when I let myself be "softened" like a perfectly al dente strand of pasta, God will twist and turn His spaghetti logic in amazing ways.

When I think about the number of twists and turns and intersections and the profound impact they've each had in my life, I'm humbled. It seems, some of the events that initially didn't feel important or significant at all turn out to be major turning points.

Amazingly, I've recently re-connected with Julie (Facebook is awesome!). Her story and her life is an inspiration and a testament to God's faithfulness.

So, next time you meet someone new, ask yourself if maybe God is putting together one big plate of pasta and to help you recognize the logic of why you and this other "strand" are intersecting.

Friday, June 19, 2009

...with all diligence

Romans 12:8 says "If a person's gift is leadership, let them lead with all diligence."

This verse came to mind this afternoon while I was praying for the leadership of VWS.

"...with all diligence."

Why diligence?

I looked up a few synonyms/definitions for diligence:
  • Earnest
  • Perseverance
  • Zeal
  • Fervor
  • Passion
  • Painstaking
  • Having a purpose and being steadily and soberly eager in pursuing it
  • Constant in effort to accomplish something
  • Attentive and persistent in doing anything
Leadership is hard. I know many, many leaders who share moments of questioning "Is it really worth it?" "Why me?" or "I'm not sure I really want to be a leader."

When the mantle of leadership is most heavy, it is then that we must lead with all diligence. If it was easy, how much breakthrough could we really achieve for God?

The world needs spirit-led leaders who lead with all diligence, persistence, attention, passion and zeal and push back the spirit of futility that otherwise would certainly limit what God wants to do through those He's gifted to lead.

Father, help me and every other leader after Your heart to be a leader who leads with all diligence.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Flame

Today was a rough day.

Difficult. Frustrating. Sad. Exhausting.

So, tonight as I was sitting around moping and wondering how I could've gone from being pretty fired up a a few days ago to feeling so glum. I realized that I hadn't picked up my Bible at all yesterday or today.

I have been reading through Paul's letters to the various churches (i.e. groups of believers). I have found them to be so relevant to the struggles and challenges and opportunities we have today. So, I read 1 Thessalonians tonight. Lots of things stood out to me, but the line I kept reading over and over and over was this one:

"Do not put out the Spirit's fire." 1 Thes 5:19

What does that line mean to you? As I prayed about it, the fire that came to mind is the one that He has uniquely given to me. Ann Eileen Lauer Calcara. Me.

I'm pretty unique. You are too, but this is my blog, so bear with me for a minute here...

Today, and for the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling particularly un-empathetic. Empathy is not really my thing. I like people. I have feelings. But, feeling FOR other people...that's not me. This has made me feel less-than-effective as we have been dealing with lots of really difficult, painful stuff -- lots of people are hurting really badly. And, I've struggled because I don't always (ever?) feel their pain. And, maybe, this limits and disables me from contributing in a meaningful way during this difficult time. Or, maybe not...

I could choose to let this lack of empathy consume me...but, that would be putting out the Spirit's fire...

Instead, what if I choose to stoke the flame that is mine...and focus on what I can do and can do well, trusting that what I have is needed, and what I have to give is enough? I'm surrounded by folks who are empathetic...and my responsibility is just to use what I've got, right?

The Spirit's fire in me burns brightly when I'm using the gifts I've been given...the talents I have...and not trying to be someone that I'm not. Want to know what kind of flame burns in me?

I am a MAXIMIZER. I focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. I seek to transform something strong into something superb.

I am STRATEGIC. I create alternate ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, I can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

I am strong in understanding and leveraging INDIVIDUALIZATION. I am intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. I have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

I am guided by BELIEF. I have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for my life.

I am RESPONSIBLE. I take psychological ownership of what I say I will do. I am committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

How do I know this about myself? Gallup Strengthsfinder. Amazingly accurate. These are the descriptions they give. I could elaborate on how each of these play out in my life, but that might get boring...

I hope you know the flame God has set ablaze in you. Don't put it out by believing that who you are NOT is more defining than who you ARE.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Complacency or Futility

Yesterday in our VWS leadership team meeting, we were praying a bit together. I LOVE praying with that team! I often get powerful images and words and I'm trying to learn what to do with them.

We were reflecting, before we went into prayer, about the amount of "bad stuff" going on across our body. We're in a teaching series on 'fighting' that is all about recognizing when we're being led astray by temptations, bad habits, influences, thoughts, etc that can be attributed to this concept of "spiritual warfare" that I've blogged about before. And, it seems as we raise our voices about these things, they come at us even harder and stronger.

While we were praying, though, I kept hearing this phrase "a spirit of futility." As I leaned into that and prayed for some more understanding, even as I knew that a spirit of futility in our team and across our body is something that I needed to push back and pray against, I think God helped me to understand something.

Last fall, a group of us went to the Catalyst conference in Atlanta. It rocked us in so many ways! Primarily, it shook us out of a spirit of complacency. Complacency is when we really don't care to challenge the status quo...we just live day to day and "settle" with where things are/how things are. At the conference, we realized that we had been lulled into complacency because things had been going fairly well, and so we settled in. Honestly, we had worked really, really hard, and we needed a rest...but, we rested too long and too deeply. Anyway, we "woke up" at that conference and got back in the game -- working to join God in the stuff he's doing here on the Westside of Cincinnati.

Recently, the amount of "bad stuff" going on has been increasing...maybe we're just more aware of it, or maybe there really is a lot more of it going on -- maybe both. But, there's a lot of it. Marriages at stake. Dreams at stake. Futures at stake. Lives at stake and being ravaged by temptations, addictions, bad thought patterns that lead people down paths that they know they shouldn't go down, but they do anyway...It's easy to get frustrated. The work we're doing is hard work. A spirit of futility could take us over, if we're not vigilant against it.

Futility is when we just give up. We decide it's just not worth it to keep fighting for change and abundance and life. And, it's just as bad, if not worse, than complacency.

Both futility and complacency are big threats to the work that God is doing. When things are going well, complacency seems to be more likely to drag us down, and when things are tough, futility could be the happy recipient of our tattered spirits...

So, I'm praying against both complacency and futility and instead for steadfast strength for the body and leadership of VWS and every other group of people working to shine God's light in dark places.

If you're feeling the weight of complacency or futility, take a few minutes to let this word sink into your heart...plug in your earphones, close your eyes, and let it soak in...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Yard Sale!

So, Saturday morning, we awoke to find that our neighborhood was having its annual community yard sale.

We weren't notified this year (I'm not surprised), so we didn't participate. I think we might have this year if we had known, but not a big deal.

Except...

A few of the neighbors in the cul-de-sac did decide to participate.

Now, you need to know a bit about the "layout" of our street. Our house sits along the curve of the cul-de-sac, and a private drive is just off of the very end of the street -- there are 3-4 houses off the private drive.

Apparently, the neighbors in the private drive didn't want to block their private drive in order to set up for the yard sale.

So...

They set up in our yard.

In. Our. Yard.

All across our front lawn. Cars parked in front of our driveway. People smoking and dropping their ashes in our grass. Our grass...that Nick was planning to cut on Saturday morning.

So, you're wondering, surely the neighbors asked if they could hold a yard sale in OUR yard.

You would think so, huh!?

But, they didn't...!!!! (is your mouth hanging open in disbelief right now...it should be!)

Nick went out to ask what was going on. They said "We didn't want to block our private drive. Are you mad?"

Oh. My. Goodness.

Okay, I have to admit, I was LIVID. Really, I'm trying to do this Love Wins thing around here, but it's soooooo hard.

If they would have asked, of course we would have happily let them have the sale in our yard. We would have joined them...made for some neighborly good times in the cul-de-sac...

I just don't get it.

On a lighter note, in a purely beautiful moment of poetic justice...

Coco did her business in the small patch of grass between one of their sale tables and the driveway. ;-) Call the police on that...

What'cha think?

Of my new background?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Seriously?

Check out this un-signed letter Nick and I got in the mail today...

Dear Mr & Mrs Calcara,

On behalf of the neighborhood in which you live, we would like to inform you that we are getting ready to call the police on your barking dog.

Apparently, you don't know that you are violating an ordinance of Miami Township. But, you are.

We have listened to your barking dog for quite awhile now and we are tired of it. THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD IS!!!!!!!! In addition to the neighbors being tired of the noise violation, so are the golfers. We now are going to inform Aston Oaks Golf Course, and the Homeowners Association.

How about showing consideration for others. You live in a nice house. Have you any manners? Were you not taught to show respect for others? We respect you. How about respect for us?

Now we get the police involved.

Sincerely,

The neighborhood

I re-typed it word for word here...it was typed, on plain white paper, no return address.

Seriously?

We have a dog. I've heard her bark about 3 times in her life. Someone is home about 90% of the time here, so she is rarely left here alone, when she might bark and we wouldn't hear it. I called a few of the neighbors tonight to ask if she has been barking while we're gone...no-one has heard her (that I talked to).

Who does this? Maybe the same people that told our nanny that she could no longer bring the kids to the pool because she is not a resident of the neighborhood?

This is one of those situations where we are SERIOUSLY challenged to live out "love wins" and to love our neighbors.

And, one of those situations where I'm reminded that "attacks" come in all shapes and sizes. I'm not surprised that we are being "persecuted" by our neighbors right now. Truth is, we don't know them very well, and have kept to ourselves more than we should have since we moved in. I don't believe this is any kind of 'karma' punishment, it's just that our neighborhood has proven difficult to "break into" the groups of friendships and seemingly life-long relationships that folks have with each other.

In any case, if we end up in jail for our barking dog, or whatever other rule they can think of next to accuse us of breaking, maybe a few of you will pool your money and post bail for us! ;-)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Processing Sedona

Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. (Col 2:18-19)

Two weeks ago, I visited Sedona, AZ on a business trip.

More accurately, two weeks ago, I visited Sedona on what I thought was going to be a business trip, but what actually ended up being a very interesting part of my own spiritual journey.

First, let me say up front, that some of you may think I'm a total nut job by the time I'm done sharing some of this with you...I think I can live with that...

Second, I'm still processing all that I saw and experienced in Sedona, so I hope you'll show some grace as I stumble through this...

I flew into Phoenix on Monday morning and rented a car for the 2 hour drive north to Sedona. I've been to Phoenix several times over the past few months, but had never been to Sedona. I knew I'd be in "red rock" country, but didn't really know what else to expect.

As I drove north and into the mountains, the beauty of the red rocks seemed to appear out of nowhere. Honestly, I had never seen such amazing beauty before. I could barely drive, and if I wouldn't have already been several hours late for the "conference" I was attending, I would have stopped multiple times to snap a few pictures and stand in awe of the beauty of the landscape. I was reminded over and over again of the indescribable beauty that God creates, and I felt small and a bit ashamed that I had never ventured that way to see and appreciate this amazing beauty right in the good 'ol USA. The sun was bright and the day was exceptionally clear. It was as if the rocks were worshipping Him with their beauty!



After a couple of hours, I neared the town of Sedona. A small-ish town, I discovered. The pueblo architecture was lovely, and the vegetation was much more lush than I had imagined, but as I drove into town, I couldn't quite explain why I started feeling a "heaviness" and seeing a bit of a darkness across the landscape. Somehow the beauty that had all but over-taken me just a few miles south didn't seem so impressive or beautiful anymore...and, honestly, I was not sure I understood why at all.

I made my way through winding roads towards the conference center where our meeting was being held, and as I drove through town, I began to notice a few things...

Crystal shops. Tarot card readings. Psychics. UFO crash sites. Sedona "energy" sites.

Huh?

Every block. Every strip mall. Every shopping center. Every quaint looking shop.

It took me a day or two to get my bearings and begin to put things together...let me digress for a minute...

A few months ago, I blogged about a theory that the most stilted, criminal minds might actually be some of the most gifted and 'dangerous for God' people ever...they are simply a big target for the enemy to deceive with his lies that they should/can use their gifts to gain wealth, fame and fortune and that those things will bring them happiness...in much the same way, I began to understand a difficult truth...

In a place of such amazing natural beauty, that can only be from God, the Holy Spirit is certainly present and active...the tears and sense of awe that I experienced driving into Sedona before I got into the town is evidence of this unspoiled presence of God. But, once in the town, I realized, that where there is so much of God's presence, of course, other, darker spirits are likely to be present, and this dark presence explains the oppression and sadness I felt there.

The piece I'm still working through is that the town of Sedona seems to be taken over by new-age concepts. They talk about Sedona being a 'vortex' of energy from the earth...this energy has 'healing power' and is deeply 'spiritual.' The presence of this 'energy' is thought to be stronger in Sedona than in other places. And, it's credited to the 'creator' or the 'divine.' Scripture is often quoted, but so are the words of other 'texts' and thinkers (Buddhism, Hindu, etc). Locals are quick to reference/credit "God," but don't talk about the idea of relationship or Christianity or Jesus or angels or demons. Some consider themselves 'born again' believers that proclaim Jesus is the Son of God, but seem to believe a list of other new-age-y things as well...

While I was there, I feel like God revealed some truth to me in terms of understanding how strong and deceptive the presence of evil is in the world. He strengthened me and my armor to fight for real freedom for those who are deceived and who are deceiving others (knowingly or unknowingly) by allowing these other spirits to influence them. As I've been learning, I realize how deceptive new-age thinking can really be...maybe I'll write more on that later...it's a bit much to process through, and I'm far from knowing enough to really talk intelligently about it all...

Certainly, I did enjoy the natural beauty of Sedona...this is one my favorite spots -- Cathedral Rock, I think it's called. And, I'm so grateful to be reminded that God's beauty is all around me, but that we have to be vigilant to guard against other, deceptive spirits that are also on this earth -- at least for the time being! ;-)

I'm curious to talk to others that may have been to Sedona. What was your experience? Where else have you felt the presence of God and the presence of darkness or evil as well?