Friday, January 9, 2009

People, not projects

This week, I've been talking to various friends about what makes people intimidating. I've learned some really insightful things. After talking with one friend today, I was able to start articulating a few of them more clearly for myself. I'm starting to get a good idea of the things I need to work on...

Here are the newest insights...
  • It's intimidating when someone turns every comment or occasion for small talk into a lengthy debate or discussion. Small talk is meant to be small, quick. I need to remember that I don't have to engage on every little topic. And, when I do, it makes me look like a know-it-all, which is intimidating...and annoying.
  • Showing people that I fully expect and desire to learn something from them breaks down negative assumptions. This requires some balance -- i.e. if I want to be able to serve others, and not be intimidating in the process, I need to make sure that I'm open to being served -- to learning from them. People that I encounter are not projects...they're people.
Many of the folks that I've been intimidated by in the past have been people that I've looked up to...people who seemingly had achieved some success that felt attractive to me. What I've realized is that I'm not at all likely to "make the first move" and strike up a conversation with those folks (the whole "I'm not worthy" thing). So, if some folks feel that way about me, whether or not I think it's justified, I can break down the assumptions by reaching out first and "making the first move" to talk to someone, ask for their help or advice, or affirm them in some way.

So, more work to do...

What am I missing about what makes people intimidating or what makes someone approachable?

1 comment:

Michael Joseph Sharp said...

Interesting post.

I've walked into many situations feeling intimidated by who I'm meeting/talking to.

I've always chalked it up having a pretty bad stuttering issue as a child that kind of bled into my interpersonal dealings as an adult.

Really, it's all in your head I think, ... maybe heart too.