A gift for my year of softening...

This week I had an amazing experience of God's love for me. At VWS, we have a team of prayer warriors who have been doing a form of emotional healing prayer called SOZO. I went for some healing prayer in a SOZO on Tuesday night...

Wow.

Simply overwhelming.

I couldn't begin to capture in writing all of the things that God spoke to me through this prayer session. But, I wanted to try to write down at least one piece of it, because it was so powerful in its relevance to my 2009 goal of "softening."

Essentially, SOZO aims to set one free from lies that we may have believed for many years about ourselves. When we lay the lie down, denounce it, rebuke it, we ask God to replace it with something.

During my prayer time, I didn't really feel much about being intimidating. I realized there were lies I believed about myself related to fear, doubt, need for human affection, and a few other things. We went through a process of denying each lie that the Holy Spirit showed me I had believed about myself.

And then, we asked God what truth he had for me in exchange for the lies. I'll try to explain the picture He gave me, and little about what He revealed about its meaning...

In a brightly lit white space, Jesus stood with me. He was wearing a white robe with a gold sash. I was standing next to Him, and I realized that I was wearing a white robe, too. This reflects that I am made in His image (the white color represents holiness, right standing, purity).

He took off his gold sash and tied it around my waist, and told me it was my "warrior belt." (Gold represents wealth, kingliness, majesty, etc).

I reached in his pocket and pulled out two gifts...first, a pink heart (think, valentine!). Then, a small white pillow. I asked what the pillow was for -- softness, comfort, rest, slumber, protection for my head from the hard ground -- these were the words I heard.

Immediately, I saw the connection to my year of humility and getting "knocked off my horse" last year and my desire to be softer this year...and He was reassuring me that, all along, I've been a soft-hearted, loving person; and that He's always been there to keep me from hitting the hard ground when I'm humbled.

But, up til this week, I had chosen to believe a lie -- that I was an intimidating person; a mean person in some way.

To be clear, there have been times when my behavior has been intimidating or mean or overpowering...but I am not a mean, overpowering, intimidating person...there is a HUGE difference!

So, whatever I do that is not glorifying to God -- it's the ACTION or the BEHAVIOR, it's not ME and those actions/behaviors don't have to define me! I need to confess them, work on them, forgive myself for them, but I don't have to believe the lie that they define me.

What defines me is that I am made in His image...and that truth is quite a gift!