How I'm Getting Over the Fear of Asking for Help

Asking for help has never been a strength of mine.

Somehow, along the way to "growing up" I bought into the "Ideal" that we were supposed to be independent. Fiercely so. That, being able to handle it all, on my own, was the mark of being successful and admirable and happy, and that I "should" aspire to be successful and admirable and happy.

My mom tells me that when I was young, my favorite phrase was "All by myself!" I wanted to do things on my own. I was in a big hurry to grow up so that I didn't need to depend on anyone else to take care of me.

Now, I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few years. And I know there's lots of depth behind why I developed such a need to do it all "myself." But, I've been working hard lately to shift that mindset.

And, here are two things I've learned that have really impacted how I think about asking for and receiving help.

First, I realized that, especially in America, the land where freedom is equated with independence, I'm not alone in having this deep seated need to take care of everyone on my own, and not ask for help. That realization was helpful and healthy, but not as breakthrough as the second thing I began reflecting on...

Helping others feels good. 

It's that simple. I realized that, for me, and for many (most?) people I know, helping feels really good.

And, to everyone else, I'm someone they could help. If only I'll ask, and take the help that's being offered.

So, I've been practicing.

• Asking mom and friends for help with the logistics of getting 3 kids where they need to be while working full time.
• Asking friends to listen when I need to talk.
• Letting someone else pay for my meal.
• Letting someone make me dinner.

And, the big one I'm learning on is this upcoming trip to Africa. I'm asking for financial and prayer support. And, receiving support...which feels a little weird.

I was talking with a friend the other night that does fundraising for a living. And he said the key insight into why people give is so that they can feel like they are making meaningful contribution to a cause they believe in. Even if they can't volunteer their time or energy, they can support financially.

At this point, I'm not in a position to support many causes with funding, but I can support with my time and energy. So, it all works together! This is my time to help the people of Soweto with my energy and time, and let others support with funds. And, that feels good for everyone.

So, would you like to support me for my trip to Africa this coming spring? If so, I will gratefully receive, and I hope that you will realize that your support is a meaningful contribution...and maybe next time, I'll be able to support the cause you're giving time and energy to.

Click here to support my trip!

(Photo from  Nagarjun Flickr Creative Commons)