freedom

The birdcage in my family room is empty. It represents my past...limiting, confining, artificial boundaries set by someone other than me. I've been inspired, moved (to tears tonight, when I found this one and brought it home), motivated, reminded and hopeful each time I've seen a birdcage over the past year.

Tonight, I was trying to decide whether to keep the door on the cage open or close it.

On one hand, I like the celebration of the open door. The freedom it signifies. The release. That first gush of fresh air that the trapped bird feels as she leaves the cage.

But, as I was reflecting on this whole journey I'm on to recover from being a coward, I realized that I want that door to be closed. Shut tight. I never want to be in a cage again. And, the door needs to stay closed because sometimes it's really tempting to go right back into that cage.

In the cage, it's safe and predictable. I know how to survive in the cage. The fear that I can survive outside the cage is real and it taunts me with self-doubt and reminders of the woman I let myself believe I was.

My mom came over today and she was cleaning out the hummingbird feeder that she had put in the front yard for the kids several weeks ago. She told me that we can pack it away til spring because the hummingbirds had all migrated by now. To Panama. Seriously...those little tiny creatures make it from Cincinnati to Panama.

And I realized, in that moment, that the fear I have to fly away from that cage is not from the One that created me to fly.

I don't think those birds know the exact route they will take. I think they get stuck in storms and wind gusts and they just keep pressing on...flapping their wings harder when they need to, gliding when they get a little tired. Relying on the other birds they're with to help guide them and keep them company and enjoy the flight. Somehow, they find food and rest and everything they need along the way.

If those little hummingbirds can make it all the way to Panama, I can shut the door on the cage of the boundaries I had on my life and spread my wings and fly with expectation to the place I'll spend the next season...

So, the door on the birdcage in my family room will stay closed as a reminder that I have all that I need out here, and that the place I'm heading is so much better.