Run

The coward in me said I couldn't run. That it wasn't safe since I'm diabetic and I might pass out if my blood sugar dropped too low. That my left knee couldn't handle it. That I was too out-of-shape. Recently, that I was too old to start. That I just didn't have time. That I might try, and then I'd fail, so therefore, I shouldn't try.

But, the recovering coward decided to give it a try. I've been inspired and encouraged by several friends who are long-time runners, and even more influenced by some friends who have quite recently become runners.

Now, the first time out, it was good. I was excited and energized. I went almost 2 miles. I walked most of the way, but when I ran, it felt great. And when I got home and collapsed on the floor, it was with a big smile on my face.

The second time was great, and I started to get a little cocky. So, I decided to run last week on the one hot afternoon that we had. It was u.g.l.y. I only made it about 1.5 miles and nearly passed out. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I felt like I backtracked about a zillion steps. I wanted to give up.

Here's where I divulge a key step in the recovering coward program: you must have friends who know you're on the journey and who will kick your ass when needed. They kick your ass sometimes nicely with encouraging words and affirmation, and other times by reminding you that you are strong and tenacious and that you need to quit whining and just do the thing you are so afraid of. I have a few of these friends (they know who they are). And, they did their jobs.

So, a few days later, I took a big leap and invested some serious cash in some new running shoes (they're cute, too, don't you agree?), took a few deep breaths and hit the sidewalks again. This time, I slowed down and took my time. I put together a playlist of songs that I knew I'd want to sing along to between breaths. And...I did it. I ran 2 solid miles -- no walking.

I felt great. Accomplished. Courageous. Persistent. Strong. Like a conqueror. A Runner.

I set a few goals for myself several months ago -- one of them was to "feel my strength emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically." I committed to run a 10K sometime in the next 2 years when I wrote that goal down -- I had never run more than a mile, and that had been in high school (which was a really long time ago!).

I'm excited to say I'm on my way.

And, I'm learning that one by one, this long list of things that I thought I couldn't do is really a bunch of crap. I can do so much more than I let myself believe. Wanna know some of the others? Here are just a few:

• I can't paint. (Killed that one when I painted my new dining room a few weeks ago)
• I can't cut grass in a straight line. (My yard looks damn good, thank you)
• I can't hang a shelf or a picture or curtain rod. (You should see the drill I bought myself and have been busily using all over my house.)
• I can't cook a decent meal. (I actually had myself convinced that I didn't like to cook...I kicked that one to the curb months ago and have really enjoyed trying new recipes and making up my own...invite yourself over and I will surprise you!)
• I can't start my own company. (Ha...check it out http://www.theazoregarage.com)

I want to teach my kids to not use the phrase "I can't." That won't happen unless I stop saying it...it's going to be hard, but it's going to feel so so good. Just like running and cutting my own grass and painting and hanging pictures and cooking...I have a few more on my list...watch this space for updates...