What makes a person intimidating?

So, I started doing some digging into what makes people intimidating. The web is an amazing resource...you can actually learn HOW to be intimidating -- in fact, there is a lot more out there about how to intimidate people than there is about how to NOT be intimidating. Some of it is pretty scary actually. But in an effort to learn, I thought I'd explore how one might become intimidating -- maybe it will help me realize what I'm doing that makes people feel intimidated...

Here's what I learned...

First of all, to be intimidating, you must
1. Focus on yourself.
2. Have un-shakeable confidence, or "fake it."
3. Intentionally make the other person feel inferior.
4. Insult the other person -- directly or subtly.

It stands to reason, then, that to be "softer," maybe I should focus on the opposite of these things...
1. Focus on the other person.
2. Admit my own vulnerabilities.
3. Intentionally position myself to serve rather than be served.
4. Affirm and build others up.

Oddly, I think of myself as being somewhat self-aware...but as I examine these opposites and think about how I interact with others, I've got a lot of work to do!

I really do focus too much on myself;

I'm still learning about how to admit and share my vulnerabilities and fears;

I'm not sure that I consistently position myself to serve (nor that when I do, my motives are always pure);

and I'm don't always remember the importance of affirming others...

I'm on a quest to really examine this definition of intimidation, get some feedback from people I trust, and who I know will be honest with me and look hard in the mirror.

Thankfully, God loves me just the way I am and I know He'll help me take one step at a time to grow into a softer, more approachable person...